Great Book on Parenting Teens

As I was driving to work the other day, listening to NPR (yes, I'm an NPR nerd), I caught a bit of an interview with Laura Kastner.  She's a researcher who has written a book on dealing with teenagers.  Instead of the typical parenting book, she has taken some cutting edge brain science to help parents understand why their teen is acting so nuts.  


I'm so impressed with the book that I'm developing a seminar for schools and churches based on her ideas. If you know of any parent group that would be interested in having me out to share this great info, I'd appreciate it!


Just click on the book cover to get more info.

How We Make Homework Even More Confusing

I'm sure you've been getting them as well. The letters, emails, articles online and in the magazines.  It's back to school time.  This year, I'm looking more carefully at what comes home.  I figured I'd better, since I'm writing a book about homework...


There's always been something that has bugged me about the advice for parents about how to help kids with school, and I think I've figured out what it is.  We are being told two messages that contradict each other.  Here they are:


1.  Parents need to be involved in their children's school work.
2.  It's the children's school work, not your work.  Don't be a helicopter parent when it comes to school.


Schools certainly mean well. They want our kids to be as successful as possible. They want our kids to learn.  But there are times when it's pretty confusing.  "How am I supposed to be involved, and not involved at the same time?"


I think the problem is that these two messages are meant to be heard by two different types of parents.  Message number one, parents need to be involved in their children's school work, is meant to be hear by those parents who are not involved enough.  Message number two, it's the children's school work, not your work, is meant to be heard by the parents who are way too involved.  


I'm working on a quiz to help you think about which type of parent you are, which might help you figure out which message is meant for you.  As the school year gets in swing, I'll be sharing some ideas you can use right away to get better at this.

Homework Parenting Advice - Beyond The Obvious

There's a ton of advice out there about how parents can help their kids deal with their homework.  A good deal of it falls into the "eat right and exercise regularly" type.  Such as:  have a consistent time for homework; have few distractions; don't do the homework for your child.  So why is it that, regardless of how well we try to follow this advice, we end up not being helpful?  Why do things end up in a shouting match?  Or a silent standoff?  If you haven't experienced a silent standoff, let me explain:  It's when your child will still stay in the room, with pencil in hand, but just sits there saying nothing and doing nothing.


I read a good article this morning from a parenting expert and I want to emphasize some of her points, which I think are crucial:


Secrets to Ending Homework Battles

Let me be a spoiler right away and tell you that there are no "secrets" in this article, but some really good stuff to keep in mind:


3. Insist homework be her responsibility not yours


I really like this one, but the question is:  Who am I trying to convince that the homework is her responsibility?  We tend to get into the trap of trying to convince the child, instead of convincing ourselves. "It's not MY homework, It's not MY homework" should be a mantra we tell ourselves, instead of trying to convince our kids of this.


5. Consider a getting a tutor


This is advice that I know a ton of well meaning parents don't like. "Why should I hire someone to do something I should be doing?  It's not like I don't understand fractions."  The problem is that for most of us, it's really hard to stay calm and focused when it's our own child. There are so many emotions tied up in the parent/child bond that sometimes it's hard for both people to struggle through homework.

"I was tired of viewing my kids through the bars of a shopping cart."

This was a quote from Hillary Tattersal, as I interviewed her for my book.  We were talking about how hectic her life was being a full time professional and then trying to spend time with her kids AND deal with shopping, cooking, etc.  "When I began to realize that the most face time with my kids was while grocery shopping, I realized this was not what I wanted for my family."

But leaving the professional life and becoming a full time mom was not nearly as smooth as Hillary hoped it would be.  I will be detailing her difficulties and how she dealt with it in my book:  HomeWork.