A Homework Story From Rayanne Coy

Here's a story from Rayanne Coy, a personal coach, and friend of mine. 


She can be found at: 


http://www.rayannecoy.com/

Here's one that came up yesterday that may hit home with you. The answer for me was to just stay calm, but of course I couldn't resist the natural reflex to get involved and say too much! 

Story: I walk into our home after being out. It's after 8:00 p.m. so it's late. I see my 11 year old son working diligently at the kitchen table. I feel the energy in the room which is stiff, stressful, discouraged and tired. I can tell that my child has been struggling with his math homework. 

I'm not sure what happened exactly, but I must have invaded his space and jumped into what he was doing too quickly. He resisted my help and left the room to lay on the couch in the adjoining room. There I was -- just me and his homework. I asked "how can I help you" and I got a grunt and some emotion around homework and school being hard. I sat down and tried to figure out the answer to the problem. He checked out further. 

I saw that we were going nowhere and let him know that I was there for him when he was ready. I sensed that a battle had been lost earlier between my son and my husband. 

The biggest thing that I learned from this was to stay calm, slow to respond and almost curious and on the sidelines when you are entering into a situation where your gut tells you there is struggle. I wished that I would have let my son take the lead and acknowledged him for what he was already doing well -- focusing! 

This morning, I apologized and gave him a hug letting him know that I loved him just the way that he is and that I believe in him! This felt good for both of us!! 

How difficult it is to remember that it's HIS homework, his learning and to not take responsibility FOR him/his homework, but to be responsible TO him for how I behave! How do you handle these situations? What brings you to a place of calm when you're really feeling a bit anxious about how homework is getting done or not getting done?

Anyone Hear The Rotor Blades?

I once had a teenage client that shared a great visual with me. "Have you ever been around a helicopter when it is flying really low and coming right at you from far away?"

I told him that I had.  My house sits on a direct flight path between The White House and a place called Mt. Weather, which is a sofisticated bunker used in case of a federal emergency.  It also houses FEMA, the emergency agency for the U.S.  After 9/11, there were probably 50-60 flights a day that would fly at tree top level over my house, shuttling officials between Washington and Mt. Weather.  

It's a very weird noise unless you are prepared for it.  At first, it sounds just like a regular helicopter: wump, wump, wump.  Then, as it gets closer, you don't just hear the sounds, you actually start feeling it.  I don't know the technical reasons, but the sound definitely becomes like shock waves.  Anywhere in the house you can feel it. If you are outside at the time, it kind of hurts.  Then it goes overhead and the pain subsides.

Anyway, back to the story. I told him, yes, I know exactly what he means.

It's that time of year, where we start the slow burn of anxiety about the school year beginning. Here's an article to keep in mind when your worries sky rocket and you just want to make sure everything gets done the right way the first time:


Helicopter Parents

Interviews from WUSA Channel 9

OK, so I know that this interview wasn't about parenting and schoolwork, but I think there's some good info in it and I love the couple!

"Couples Compatibility, Part 1"

"Couples Compatibility, Part 2"

Kids These Days...

This morning I read a Newsweek article about the declining creativity in America's youth. In summary, the article describes the decline of creativity, as measured by an assessment tool developed in 1958, is declining in children of today. The article then blames the usual suspects: TV, video games, internet, and...you guessed it:  schools.

I've got a significantly different take on "kids these days," and I sometimes feel like I'm in the significant minority.  First, let me tell you why I'm so optimistic about our youth.

I am a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Reston, VA, which is a suburb of Washington, DC. I specialize in working with children and teens dealing with difficulties in their lives: school issues, under-achievement, behavior problems, depression, etc. I work with the kids and their parents to help create a better outcome. 

I have the privilege of being able to sit and talk with kids about their lives, feelings, ideas, and dreams for about 5 hours of my day. It's an amazing job, and I'm amazed at how few people get to spend so much time just talking with kids. The kids I work with tell me pretty regularly that they have never had someone sit and talk with them for an hour and just be interested in their lives, their feelings, and their ideas.

Because of this privilege I have been given, I think I have a good idea of what's happening with kids these days. At least the kids in my little section of the world. And I have to say that I am impressed and amazed, sometimes to the point of being stunned.

I am impressed at their ability to think through ideas and synthesize new ways of considering things. I have watched as kids will make amazing leaps of logic and not know exactly how they got there. Kids in the last ten years have been living such a radically different existence than any other generation before them, that our ways of measuring their progress don't work. 

My thought is that we are doing what every generation of parents do: We talk about how kids these days are in trouble. And it seems that every generation ends up doing some amazing things as adults.

My hope, and my prediction, is that these kids are going to blow us away with what they do when they are in charge!